i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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