At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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