you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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