i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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Enjoy the penises
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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