roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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