How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
