I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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