She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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