My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.