What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table