Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.