Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT