just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night