after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This baby is an asshole
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
did i just pee glitter
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
