and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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