Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
