Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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