I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize