508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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