oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
