I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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