Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
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Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
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Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk