Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away