sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.