mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
