I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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