ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
