Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize