I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
