What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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