I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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