Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
