Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
