no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
