So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize