I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
