ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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