I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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