the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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