Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
