That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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