I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
