I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
