I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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