oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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