your thong is hanging out like whoa
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
