When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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