a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
