Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla