I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
