he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize