Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with a game of naked twister.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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