woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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