I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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