It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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