his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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