I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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